Friday, August 26, 2011

Relying on the Lord

If you know our family, you know that my husband Rob had eye surgery last Thursday to correct muscle damage from his brain tumor.

This surgery was scheduled at the last minute while Rob was on vacation.  So with much dismay on my part, because we had a scheduled vacation to Mammoth,  I rolled with it with kinda a sour attitude.  I didnt want "my" time interrupted by taking care of him.

With this horrible attitude I had, I truly was not happy with Rob's decision to have his surgery.  With this said and being a child of the Lord, He began to work on my heart through the Holy Spirit.  And I always know when I'm wrong cause I hear the Lord speak to me.  "Amanda, really! is it all about you!  The so called (big shot) Amanda who wants the world to revolve around her, you are my child and you are my light.  I LOVE YOU!"  I had to sit down, I was so ashamed of myself and my motives.

I immediately got on my knees and prayed!  And at this point my boys where in the living room with me and saw what I was doing.  My little Jenson, who is always asking questions said to me, "Mom, what are you doing?  Why are you on your knees crying?"  I got up and hugged both of our boys and told them that my heart was not in the right place and I was convicted by the Holy Spirit on my attitude.  I hugged them little tighter and cryed a little more and said, "Mommy is not perfect, and because of what Christ did on the Cross, my actions & attitudes are forgiven.  So when mommy is wrong, I go before our Savior and ask for forgiveness and ask for guidance on whatever situation I'm struggling with."

Aiden & Jenson hugged me and said, "We know Mom your not perfect, we are just glad Jesus loves you."  I giggled a little and wiped the tears from my eyes.  I just realized in the midst of my sin I showed our boys the need of a Savior and without Him we are not capable of living this life the way He wants us too.

If wake up in the morning without prayer and the need for Him, my day is pretty empty.  I need constant reminders from the 'Comforter" who works in so many forms, my husband, my kids, a friend, the radio, a devotional.  I need to completely open my heart and rely on Him everyday.  I didn't that day and I payed for it by my nasty attitude.

Rob's surgery went great and we prayed together, cryed together and laughed together while at the hospital . We  had a great mini vacation in Mammoth that brought us closer to the Lord and closer as a family.

Thank you Jesus! For gently disciplining me and directing me on the the right path to serve you better.



hannah singer said...

and just like that, you are living the gospel for your boys.
a repentant heart and seeking forgiveness. amen!
praying for you and your family.
so encouraged by you today! press on! xo

Anonymous said...

What a great reminder that our children are watching and listening, and God always teaching. Needed this reminder myself today!! Thank you!

Mandy Estes said...

What a blessing you are to your children! When they see your faith in action it builds up their faith. :) God bless you!